Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Twelve Gifts of Self-Coaching

This holiday season use these tools to create instant and sustainable changes in your life. BE your own champion and empower yourself, toward the InfiniteU:
  1. Write it down – Record your thoughts, feelings, ideas, lists, goals—anything—in a dedicated notebook. This makes everything real and if you share it, makes your commitment real too. Post your goals somewhere visible and look at them often.
  2. Ask the question, then be patient – The answer comes when we least expect it. So set the intention and wait without trying to guess or worry about the outcome. Listen and watch.
  3. Promise less then deliver more – To yourself and to others. Give longer deadlines and meet them early. Watch your confidence grow! 
  4. Learn that “No.” is a full sentence – Practice saying “No” and leaving it at that. Make a list of the things you won’t do and who you will say “no” to. 
  5. Own up to your mistakes and learn from them – Take responsibility. Forgive yourself quickly and often. Lighten up: mistakes are life lessons and growth opportunities. 
  6. Adopt a less is more approach – We can do more when we have less time. Do less for more. De-clutter you life and your mind. Master your strengths rather than focusing on your weaknesses. 
  7. Reach out and connect – We are social creatures. See yourself as connected to the whole and involve and invest yourself fully with others. It’s good for your health to connect.
  8. Replenish yourself – What fills you naturally? Do that. Then do more of that. Take time to just BE. 
  9. Remember: Baby Steps – Break goals down into small manageable steps and tackle them one at a time. You’ll get so much done and you’ll be in action.
  10. Let it go, let it all go – Don’t force situations, solutions, success or anything for that matter. It will all come naturally and eventually. Recognize that everything works out for a reason.
  11. Celebrate yourself – Acknowledge what is whole and good and true about YOU. Then celebrate that. Reward yourself for your achievements every step of the way.
  12. Practice gratitude – Don’t just be grateful, live in gratitude. When you practice being thankful, you get more of what you are grateful for.

Happy Holidays to YOU and yours!

Seeking to learn more about empowering yourself? I can accompany you on that journey of the soul. Contact me about a complimentary discovery session to see if there is a fit: 514.996.2414

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


Do you ever regret the past?

Recently my dear friend talked about not entertaining regrets. How amazing that as soon as feelings of regret arise, she is able to quickly dismiss them! This made me look at the nature of regret. I had a flash: while I am doing a particular activity, I am not regretting it. So what is it about later reviewing the time or energy spent and regretting in retrospect? Hmmm... If I adopt the view that all in my life is unfolding as it should, where is the room for regret?

One way to not have any regret is to consciously choose our actions and then step back, letting go of control over the outcomes. Know that living in the moment, you made the best choice at that time. Have you ever heard the phrase: "You never regret the things you do, only the things you haven't done?"

What have you not done, which, if you do, will leave no room for regret when facing your final life moments?

Empowerment coaching/transition partnering can help you make choices and set goals so there is no regret. Call me for a complimentary discovery session: 514.996.2414

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Compassion = Forgiveness

I found myself feeling compassion for someone who had continuously hurt me and deeply. It was subtle. It was a slow realization of what their pain might be like, look like, feel like. It was the first time I could actually see their pain through my own.

And then it hit me: this is not about that other person. It is about me and my capacity to forgive and primarily about my capacity to forgive myself. When you can look at a hurt through the eyes of compassion, there is a release, a healing. The veil of grief lifts and you see clearly where your fingertips end and the others' begin, no longer two hands intertwined and twisting in a symbiotic gesture of chaos and pain. And then you recognize that you are whole again, ready to claim your life--the life you are meant to live.

According to Pema Chodron, "Compassion isn't some kind of self-improvement project or ideal that we're trying to live up to. Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves, all those imperfections that we don't even want to look at." As we heal, we can look at those parts and feel compassionate for ourselves, forgiving even.

Compassion feels similar to gratitude. Practicing compassion brings peacefulness the same way practicing gratitude brings abundance. There is great abundance in compassion.

What does it look like to feel compassion through your pain?

Empowerment coaching can help you cultivate compassion for yourself and shift perspective about your journey. For a complimentary discovery session call: 514.996.2414

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Connecting with Purpose

We have one life to live--our own--and we seek meaning through our life. But are we ON purpose? Do we know what unique gifts we offer the world, our world? This quote summarizes purpose nicely: "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

Connecting with purpose comes from connecting with your passion, that which makes you feel alive and on purpose. It is that place, where when there, time has no measure. It is that place of deep meaning. Purpose is that place of connection with our true self--our authentic self--that feels alive.

Just watch a child sitting on their haunches, staring at a bug in the grass. Notice their presence and their focus. When you call her she doesn't seem to hear. She is transfixed. She remains unaffected by all the distractions that can obscure passion. That child-like quality exists for each of us when engaged in our purpose.

What do you do, that when engaged, time is of no consequence? What passion sparks you to come alive?

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My Home, My Story

These days I'm thinking a lot about the concept of home and I'm loving my home as much as I did the first day I moved in two years ago. Is it because I'm canceranian--certainly cancer signs love their homes! Or is it because the cold weather has me hunkering down? My two-year anniversary here marks the celebration of home, of a homecoming: coming home to my self.

When first setting up my new home as part of a huge life transition, my dear childhood friend and shopping partner Pat said: "Only surround yourself with the things you love." Her sage words echoed with each purchase--a paint color, a wall hanging, a lamp, a throw. And slowly, what emerged was me, my style, my sense of home and how a simple thousand-foot space could embody who I am, while supporting my lifestyle.This organized oasis of peace, safety and well-being has evolved to reflect what lies within: my essence and my authenticity. It lays the foundation for my new story. I am truly blessed and grateful for my home and for my homefulness.

How does your home fill you? How can you make your home a true embodiment of your authentic self?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The Hero's Journey

Yesterday I found myself in a place of deep cleansing of the self, which began with being coached and ended with viewing the film Finding Joe (Spiritual Cinema Circle, 2012, Vol. 7). Based on the work of Joseph Campbell's monomyth or Hero's Journey, this poignant film interweaves the voices of some current thinkers around the importance of story in our lives and how we are all on a hero's journey--essentially how we are all heros in our own lives. The hero's journey pervades all stories past and present, in which we might find likeness to our own: "A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man." (Campbell, 1949, p. 49).

This beautiful offering by Spiritual Cinema Circle is about our humanity. It starts with the premise that we receive what Campbell says is a call to adventure, which signifies that destiny has summoned the hero. It is a call to action, that keeps coming back until that call is answered. This call to action often comes in the depths of our despair, presenting at once, danger and opportunity. Danger because we fear it--we fear what that call is telling us. For some it may be losing a loved one, an illness or accident, or it may be a lost job or relationship. And opportunity because we have the chance to transcend our pain and move to a greater height.

And sometimes that fear can keep us from rising up and out of our muck and murkiness. In Finding Joe, fear is said to be the one thing that keeps us from our mountaintop. Yet in this instance, in this pain resides the possibility for renewal and rebirth. According to Finding Joe, we must die in our old form in order to rise from: "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that's waiting for us." (Joseph Campbell).

So begins the journey of following your bliss, slaying dragons (usually the dragons within), facing your fear and going beyond it. Campbell calls this Initiation where we work to resolve a conflict, usually inner. I especially loved the words of one thinker who says: "Every minus is a plus waiting for that stroke." The film summarizes the Return, with the notion that the hero brings back a story. So we all have a story. It might seem bigger than us, it might be fraught with pain and sadness, but that story informs who we are and is the treasure. It speaks of our capability to transcend adversity as we show up big and courageous and live to tell about it.

The hero's journey is really a developmental process through transition. A life event occurs, which is our call to adventure or action, we experience that initiation involving "slaying dragons" or finding a way to come to terms, and then we return (home)...the journey begins again, this time with new insights and enlightenment--your story.

How does your call to adventure find you: is it with a nudge, a tap or a sledgehammer? What dragons do you need to slay, that if slayed, will put you closer to your mountaintop? How can you claim your bliss?

Thursday, November 1, 2012

BE your Authentic Self!

Who are you? And why are you here? What great things are you meant to accomplish in this life? Not necessarily to be famous, but to be famous to those whose lives you touch--including your own. What is your purpose? If you could live your true purpose how would that look?

Go stand in the mirror and look yourself in the eye. Now be honest. Are you living the life you were meant to live? Are you living your full potential? What makes your authentic self?

Lots of questions in this post. Today it's all about YOU! Tell me more...

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Not Knowing

I don't know. I just don't know! How often do we simply not know? Not know what's next in our lives, our careers, a relationship, our jobs? Or what we're even going to do today! These days I am feeling steeped in not knowing. And if I over think it, I take myself to that place of fear, worry and insecurity. Yet, there is a pervasive knowing deep down--intuition--that all is well in my world and unfolding as it should and according to a greater plan, not necessarily mine.

My dear coaching professor, James Gavin, delivered a hard truth last year during the first hour of coaching class when he said that all we really have and can count on is this one breath. This much I do know. My own life coach talks about living ten seconds at a time. I know ten seconds, can count it on both hands; it's the time I need to formulate a sentence here. Ten seconds is the embodiment of living in the moment.

So how can I be okay with not knowing? Well... by having faith. A sign on my hallway wall reads: "Faith is being sure of what you hope for." and the rest of the quote goes "and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1). I can trust that what I hope for is unfolding in this moment, in this ten-second moment with this one breath I can count on. I may be living in not knowing, but I am most certainly living in faith.

What do you NOT know? And how do you make yourself okay with not knowing?

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Courage to Change

It takes courage to change. Somewhere deep inside that little voice may be giving us millions of reasons and justifications for doing nothing. And sometimes that voice is right. Other times we feel change brewing. We might resist change, we might ignore it, then we get pushed to change. An event, a person, a conversation...we feel compelled to take action. Many times during my life I have found myself standing on that precipice between where I am currently and where I want to be, mustering up the courage and the trust that when I jump, I'll be caught or land softly. And oh, what a view along the way!

Carlee inspired me to write this blogpost
You see, not changing is actually the hardest path because we must face the consequences of our inaction and live with the frustration of that. And so the journey down that new path must be undertaken with small steps and slowly. As difficult as making that small step might be, we are learning beings, constantly in motion and growing. Making a change might feel like we are walking through water, heavy and challenging; other times, effortless, like being moved through air. Our emotions can play here: how we feel might make that step seem difficult or effortless. But we always have the choice to take that step. We always have the opportunity to find our courage to change.

What is the one area of your life where taking a small step would make the biggest impact? How do you get up YOUR courage to change?

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Violence is Never Acceptable: Taking Back my Power

Last night I found myself watching an older movie in which the main character was being physically abused by her fiance. The abuse was shrouded in secrecy and silence. But the telltale physical marks and the character's increasingly timid and frightened demeanor, especially in response to talk about her upcoming nuptials to her abuser, soon betrayed the secret. I was reminded of my own experience with physical abuse in childhood and emotional abuse in adulthood.

Violence--emotional, physical, sexual, or the threat of these--is never acceptable. And violence is certainly never the victim's fault. You didn't cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. Over time, violence has a way of promoting secrecy because it pummels the victim into compliance and silence. The victim learns to put up with the violence out of fear of reprisal, that coming forward will have worse consequences. Add to this, the fact that victims of abuse can feel so broken in spirit, they don't fight back. And the downward spiral continues, where the victim of violence eventually victimizes her/(him)self. The impact is far-reaching, affecting so many of our relationships with others and with ourselves.

There is a cyclical nature to violence: the violence occurs, there is a period of apology and "I'm sorry, I won't do it again," followed by the honeymoon period or good period, then wham! another violent act occurs. Sometimes, like an ocean, the waves of violence keep coming, and the good periods get shorter. In order for this cycle to end, it must be broken--you must step out of it.

Violence often escalates. Both emotional and physical abuse have the potential to escalate, and there exists the risk of death. You must make yourself and your children safe. Do you have a safety plan? A safety plan is your out, what you will do in the event that you absolutely must leave. This means having a packed bag ready with all your basic essentials, including passport, health cards, extra money and prescriptions for you and your children, as well as a safe place to go.

If fear is keeping you anchored in a dangerous relationship, break the silence. We are only as sick as our secrets. Reach out--tell someone you trust. Mobilize support and allies. You deserve to feel safe and protected, and no one has the right to take that away from you. No one has the right to hurt you, bully you or emotionally batter you. Yet that huge first step begins with you; only you can save yourself.

What is your safety plan? What is your out? What might stand in your way and how might you take action to save yourself and take back your power?

Thursday, September 20, 2012


Are you sandwiched between two or more different shifting priorities? What does that feel like?

Let's behold the phenomenon of being sandwiched by first visiting some definitions:
  • Sandwiched: Caught in the middle between two elements, as in the filling of the sandwich between two slices of bread
  • Priorities: Important or taking precedence
  • Shifting: Implies change, moving from one place or direction to another, never the same

How are you sandwiched? Perhaps you feel caught between your job and your personal life in your quest for greater work-life balance. Maybe you're experiencing an empty nest and feel caught in the gap between having raised a family and what's next in your search for new meaning. Or perhaps you're part of the growing phenomenon of the sandwich generation: caring for aging parents or a relative while balancing the delicate needs of your own life, work and family with self-care.

What thoughts or perceptions fuel these feelings of being sandwiched? We've heard it said that nothing lasts forever...not even difficulty. Priorities stem from our values; however, priorities do shift. We often find ourselves renegotiating our priorities. And we must remind ourselves that we are not alone--there are others we can defer to, delegate to, and confer with along our journey.

Empowerment coaching can help you sift through your perceptions about your changing priorities and explore what's keeping you anchored. It can help you to peel back the layers of your sandwich and break free with a new perspective, setting goals for results that move you forward in your professional and personal life.

How does your sandwich look? And how would it look being empowered and moving forward?

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

One Year from Today, I...

Where will you be one year from today? Have you ever thought about how you might create your year in advance? In The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander (2000), Zander explains how he asks his undergraduate music students at the beginning of the year to write a letter giving themselves an "A" in his course, highlighting the growth they've achieved in one year and telling the story of what will have happened to them a year from today. They are to give as much detail as they can in line with the extraordinary grade of an A:
In writing their letters, I say to them, they are to place themselves in the future, looking back, and to report on all the insights they acquired and milestones they attained during the year as if those accomplishments were already in the past....Everything must be written in the past tense (Stone Zander & Zander, 2000, p. 27).

In books such as The Secret (Byrne, 2006) and The Key (Vitale, 2008), these authors talk about the concept of living as if. You live in the present as though you already have what you wish to attract. This link lets you do just that--write a letter to yourself, phrasing your letter as if you'll have achieved your goals--and that you'll receive back in a year via e-mail. Go to: http://future-me.eu/

What two to three personal and professional goals are you setting for yourself so that this time next year, when your letter arrives, you smile and say: "Wow, look where I am from one year ago!"? How will you give yourself an "A"?

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

BE the change

You've likely heard Mahatma Gandhi's famous quote: "Be the change you want to see in the world." It's a beautiful thought that gives hope and it can be motivating! In light of a coaching conversation I recently had with someone dear to me, I'm tweaking this gem to bring this wisdom closer to home: BE the change you want to see in YOUR world. Yes, your world!

How often do we find ourselves saying: "If only ....[someone, something, etc.] would do this, then I would be happier, feel better.... [fill in the blank]? Essentially, we give our power away to something or someone we cannot control. And with all due respect, being the change we want to see in the world seems lofty. So we can start by changing OUR own world. And we can do this with relative ease, breaking down the unmanageable into small manageable steps and then taking those baby steps toward change.

Something I've learned in my relations with people, and sometimes with people to whom I've ceded my power, is that I cannot control their side of the fence. It may be messy, dysfunctional, frustrating, and downright abusive, but all I can be accountable for is my side. While I'm busy looking at them and what I'm not liking over there, what am I overlooking that is right in front of me? What can I do to change my world?

A career change starts with researching the possibilities. Reorganizing and de-cluttering begins with one shelf or one drawer. Changing a relationship starts with setting a clear boundary. We have the power to BE the change, indeed we do.

It all starts with you! What small step can you begin with right here right now to effect change? How are you the change you want to see in your world?

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

On Loss and Losing a Pet

Late at night a few Saturdays ago I let my three cats get some air out on the balcony. Then I heard the noise: the familiar sound of my cat jumping onto the railing. He'd practiced it many times before, and I'd ordered him down and into the house, not allowed out for a day or so. But this time was different. Boo Boo fell or jumped off the second-floor balcony railing and was nowhere in sight...in the dark. I got dressed and with flashlight and Temptations cat treats in hand, began my first of many nightly searches.

It's been just over three weeks...three weeks of near sightings, telephone calls from people thinking they'd seen him and my own late night prowling and yowling "Boo Boo" through dark streets and creeping behind buildings. I have chased all manner of outdoor cats to their terraces, meeting confused owners face to face. I can attest to the truth behind the Temptations TV commercial, a string of cats following me as I walked shaking the treat bag, calling "Boo Boo" at the dark witching hour when all cats come out--all except mine.

Ironically, I found myself at the neighboring building checking into the sighting of a female cat the same charcoal color as my own...and bearing the same name. Her owner is a little flapped and unnerved. I seem like a cat stalker!

Put in perspective by someone at a backyard BBQ I recently attended: "Face it: he wanted his freedom. He'd probably been planning his escape for some time!" Is that why he kept jumping up on the railing despite my admonishments? Certainly life must have been boring as an indoor cat, with nothing to do but groom his shiny fur all day. Oh, how good he had it: meals, clean litter, affection! Why would he give that up for the unknown of dodging cars and people and micing for his meals? It's summertime now, but what about when the cold weather comes? What price might he pay for his freedom then? Or maybe he's sitting pretty with a new owner--one who lets him out so he can have the best of both worlds.

I am reminded that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be. Boo Boo is in his place in the world now. We had a good three years together. He has gone back from where he came as I remember him coming out of the hedge three years ago, a mere 4-month old kitten. Back into the wild now--neutered at least--one less cat to propagate the feline species! Yet I still cling to the thought that one day, he'll show up in the parking lot as if he'd merely gone on vacation. Miss you, Boo Boo!

Have you ever had to accept a loss of anything, the loss of a pet or someone, something that you wanted back and realized that the Universe had other plans?

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Your Inner Voice

Humans have this amazing resiliency--this ability to reach within--at times during their darkest hour, to pull out such beauty and insight in order to move forward. We know exactly what we need at any given moment. Our clarity may get waylaid by events going on around us or strong feelings inside us. Yet we all have that ability to go back to baseline--start over--and see through the fog toward what we know is true, best for us, and what we really want.

No one stays mired in the muck for too long. Perhaps all we must do is take a step back. I've done this: stepped out of a situation, taking my space, and lo and behold, the path cleared. I knew what I had to do. The murkiness starts only when I second-guess myself and balk, letting that little Doubter's voice rise above that of my my own Intuition--my inner voice or knowing. It is when I let the path clear that I can hear this voice and move into positive action.

Many of us simultaneously hear the voices of the Doubter and the Intuiter. Sometimes one sits on each shoulder and they argue loudly, squabbling like rival siblings. Sometimes we simply need let them duke it out, keeping our head out of the way as we listen with and to our heart. The heart connects with the Inner Voice, and the heart often triumphs.

How do you identify messages from your Intuition versus messages from the Doubter when faced with a professional or personal challenge? And how do you take the space to listen?

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Co-Creating the Infinite YOU

Are you sandwiched between two different work or life priorities and want to make a change? Are you seeking your starting point for making that change? Consider that professional and personal coaching can empower you to do this by helping you align with your values and find greater meaning in your life!

Coaching is not counseling, nor therapy; rather, coaching is a partnership whereby your Professional and Personal Coach walks alongside you on that very sacred journey of the self through transition. Your coach helps you break your goals down into manageable steps, lending you their perspective as you collaborate to change your own. Your coach remains present to you while listening to the unsaid. And your coach holds you accountable as you set attainable goals for your success.

As a Professional and Personal Certified Coach, I pledge to help you effect change and growth! Let's partner to co-create the Infinite YOU!

Visit www.infiniteUcoaching.com or call 514.996.2414 for a complimentary coaching consultation.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Dialing Down

A week ago, a dear coaching colleague stated her decision to dial down. It seems that we had somehow gotten into this spin around "What's next?" having finished up our coaching certification process and moved right into coaching and building our coaching practices. I could relate! Here was July, hot and full of restful possibility, and I was chomping at the bit to get moving on promoting my coaching and speaking. But where was everyone? Out playing, that's where!

There is something about summer that speaks to the soul, whispers, in fact, like the gentle breeze that blows on a humid day. It whispers summer reading, time with family and friends at pool, lakeside, cottage and the like. It speaks to the notion of taking it slower and making life simpler. For those of us who toil in cold winter climes the slower pace is mandated by the heat and humidity as we may feel lower energy.

How do you dial down? What does that look like, feel like? And more importantly, how can you make yourself okay with the slower pace? I tell myself that this brief respite only happens here and now--this one time of year when I get to take a true break from the routine. Mid-August comes soon enough with all the hustle and bustle of fall preparations. I simply give myself permission to just BE.

How are YOU dialing down this summer?

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Today is My Blank Canvas

What will you paint on the canvas of today? I awoke this morning and wrote my gratitude list, which I hadn't done in almost a month; at the end I wrote that I am grateful for today and for the blank canvas that it is.

Today is all mine to paint in vivid colors and shapes and light and textures. I feel inspired by having been to the German-born early century painter, Ferlinger's, exhibit at the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts a few weeks ago. What impressed me about his work is the central theme of light and how he plays with prisms in his paintings.

Thinking of my day in terms of light and prisms, what is the light I can let in to shine on my day that will create beauty and wonder in my life? This reminds me about my favorite line from a Leonard Cohen song: "Forget your perfect offering. There are cracks in everything. That's how the light gets in."

Where are you letting your light in?

Sunday, June 3, 2012


Photo courtesy of morguefile.com
If it moves, go with it.
If it stays still, be still with it.
If it is silent, be quiet with it.
If it talks, listen to it.

There is a small voice inside each of us that moves us, stills us, silences us and talks to us. 

What does your voice tell you?

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Uncovering Fear

Art.com image of a silhouetted person standing on a rock
The rock is heavy...in fact, it's a boulder. But you move it anyway. This takes so much effort and time. It's resisting. You push harder because you want to get under it, see under it. Beneath that boulder resides a very special thing...it's called fear. You've just done the heavy lifting and uncovered that raw emotion. Now you push the rock aside and you examine that fear. What does it look like? Why was it hiding? What does looking at it right now mean for you, for your next steps? Now stand on the rock, outstretch your arms and look up to the sky. Know that you are empowered. If you can move a boulder, then you can conquer anything--even your fear!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Home Sweet Home

What does "Home" mean to you? A few years ago, I found myself temporarily without a home. This had me question what it was that so deeply made me feel homeless. This feeling radiated out from my heart and into my gut. And it connected to my feelings of love, safety and belonging in the world as represented by my security in belonging in a relationship, family and the family home. This security was shattered and it forever altered how I view the concept of home and my sense of "homefullness."

Today I live in a place of joy and love, a home I've created and reside wholly and fully in. Both my physical and emotional homes support my life in totally harmonious and satisfying ways. And I've come to realize that I was never homeless, but rather, displaced, and forced to find my right home--the one that resides within me--my home sweet home.

What is your sense of home? How does your home support who you are?

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Self-Coaching Through Feelings

Ask the questions and the answers will come. One thing I have learned on my journey through coaching certification is self-coaching. At any given time, I can ask myself one of many questions that get me looking at what lies beneath my feelings as opposed to focusing on the feelings themselves. Strong feelings are just that. I am not my feelings--which come and go--constantly changing, positive, negative, and sometimes neutral.

If I remember that my feelings are simply energy, I can view them through a whole different lens. My feelings lose their power and their control over me. I'm learning to stop and ask myself: "Why is this so deeply important to me? Why right now?" The answers often tell me that the feeling is surfacing the fear lurking deep down. Ever notice that we don't question ourselves when we feel good? When we're feeling less than optimal (maybe due to fatigue or stress), it is at these times when no decisions need be made. Simply be. The answers will come. They always do.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

On Enabling

Don't ask more of me than you would ask of yourself. Have you ever wanted something for someone that they didn't apparently want for themselves? Have you pulled strings for someone, only to realize they acted like they didn't want it or didn't appreciate it? Enabling or rescuing another person can be tricky. We do for another what they can do for themselves. And then we may wonder why they either don't do it for themselves or don't appreciate our efforts. We may feel drained from giving so much, and then we get angry. Finally, we become resentful.

When I feel as though I'm giving too much to someone else, I step back and view it from the perspective of "What do I need to be giving to myself at this moment?" The answer shows me that I may be enabling and perhaps more than that--using giving as a substitute for getting my own life done.

How do you know when you're over-giving?