Saturday, April 28, 2012

Home Sweet Home

What does "Home" mean to you? A few years ago, I found myself temporarily without a home. This had me question what it was that so deeply made me feel homeless. This feeling radiated out from my heart and into my gut. And it connected to my feelings of love, safety and belonging in the world as represented by my security in belonging in a relationship, family and the family home. This security was shattered and it forever altered how I view the concept of home and my sense of "homefullness."

Today I live in a place of joy and love, a home I've created and reside wholly and fully in. Both my physical and emotional homes support my life in totally harmonious and satisfying ways. And I've come to realize that I was never homeless, but rather, displaced, and forced to find my right home--the one that resides within me--my home sweet home.

What is your sense of home? How does your home support who you are?

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Self-Coaching Through Feelings

Ask the questions and the answers will come. One thing I have learned on my journey through coaching certification is self-coaching. At any given time, I can ask myself one of many questions that get me looking at what lies beneath my feelings as opposed to focusing on the feelings themselves. Strong feelings are just that. I am not my feelings--which come and go--constantly changing, positive, negative, and sometimes neutral.

If I remember that my feelings are simply energy, I can view them through a whole different lens. My feelings lose their power and their control over me. I'm learning to stop and ask myself: "Why is this so deeply important to me? Why right now?" The answers often tell me that the feeling is surfacing the fear lurking deep down. Ever notice that we don't question ourselves when we feel good? When we're feeling less than optimal (maybe due to fatigue or stress), it is at these times when no decisions need be made. Simply be. The answers will come. They always do.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

On Enabling

Don't ask more of me than you would ask of yourself. Have you ever wanted something for someone that they didn't apparently want for themselves? Have you pulled strings for someone, only to realize they acted like they didn't want it or didn't appreciate it? Enabling or rescuing another person can be tricky. We do for another what they can do for themselves. And then we may wonder why they either don't do it for themselves or don't appreciate our efforts. We may feel drained from giving so much, and then we get angry. Finally, we become resentful.

When I feel as though I'm giving too much to someone else, I step back and view it from the perspective of "What do I need to be giving to myself at this moment?" The answer shows me that I may be enabling and perhaps more than that--using giving as a substitute for getting my own life done.

How do you know when you're over-giving?