Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Puzzled by Denial?


Sometimes facing reality is too much for us to handle. We may find ourselves ignoring a situation or denying that it even exists because the alternative is to live in the discomfort of the pain. We retreat psychologically to protect ourselves. When dealing with emotionally or physically painful situations, denial can be self-preserving. In our denial, we may feel confusion, fear, anxiety and even resentment as we know that something is not quite right. There is suffering in denial.

I’ve experienced a difficult situation that had me denying my reality. My denial was challenged by clues that I had missed and began recognizing as pieces of a puzzle fitting together. And when the puzzle formed, I had complete clarity and vision about what to do. When I had more information and understanding, I could no longer deny reality. Almost seamlessly, a chain of events unfolded around taking action. There was no resistance—only the path unfoldingas I was guided forward. The steps I took to crack open the suffering of denial and face reality, included:
  1. Readiness to face the discomfort
  2. Willingness to change
  3. Paying attention to my intuition
  4. Detaching from the situation and the outcome
  5. Trusting in a greater good and a grander plan
  6. Gratitude and appreciation for what IS

You can apply these steps to any situation where you feel pain, uncertainty and fear. There is great learning in suffering. And remember that moving from the comfort of denial into the bite of reality is a process that takes time—its own time.

Are you in a state of denial that if you were to change, you’d experience greater joy, alignment with your values and the abundance life offers? What does moving from denial into action look like?

Coaching with Kelly can help you break through the barrier of denial. Call now to schedule your complimentary 30-minute coaching session.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Write Your Personal Manifesto

Let's consider a different way of setting New Year's Resolutions: write your Personal Manifesto! This is your personal mission statement, a public declaration of your intent, opinions, policies or aims. And it derives from the Italian word "to manifest"--how cool is that??! You can draw this out on cardboard or use an online template.


I created my Manifesto with Fotor and using a free background image from Morguefile. I started with a key phrase, "I AM...," powerful words for setting intention and creating my reality, and built around them without over-thinking. I was amazed at the unfolding of my Manifesto as words found their right place on the poster and in relationship to other words and phrases.

Approach writing your statements by:
  1. Brainstorming words that hold meaning for you
  2. Stating your beliefs, values or vision
  3. Listing your pleasures or the things you know for sure (A la Oprah Winfrey)
  4. Imagining that you're giving a 30-second pitch: jot down what first comes to mind--fast!

Play with fonts and colors. Fotor also enables special effects and framing. Don't censor yourself or hold back--have fun with it!

Once done, you can save your "posterized" Manifesto as a jpg, e-mail it to yourself and check back in a few months to see where you're at with your goals. Or post it to your Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter pages for more public accountability. Alternatively, send your Manifesto to a close friend or your coach for confidential accountability.

Manifest YOUR 2014!


As an Empowerment Coach-Transition Partner, I AM seeking to accompany you along your journey through change. Call today to schedule your complimentary 30-minute coaching call: 514.996.2414!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Sit With Your Discomfort

Photo courtesy of Morguefile
It's challenging to break a pattern or change a long-standing behavior. This requires awareness and the inspiration to change, moving out of your comfort zone as you try a new approach. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, the alternative can feel more insane. Take the example of saying "No" to something you've always said "Yes" to and about which you've harbored resentment. As you sit with your "No," you may:
  • Second-guess yourself
  • Rehash the conversation in your mind
  • Attribute feelings of disappointment and displeasure to the recipient
  • Entertain feelings of guilt
  • Overcompensate as you try to make yourself comfortable in a space that now feels uncomfortable

A dear friend of mine calls this nano seconds--the time spent spinning around a decision or line drawn in the sand. You may want to run back and compromise. I've run back many times, disregarding my own truth and not standing my ground, only to be slowly pulled back into the familiar pattern.

Don't do anything; just sit with the newness and your discomfort. Be prepared to sit in that uncomfortable space while the new habit/behavior takes root. This takes time. What can you do in that space while you wait? What self-care can you enact in place of the old behavior?


Empowerment coaching helps you set goals for new behaviors. Call today for YOUR complimentary 30-minute coaching session: 514.996.2414.