Sunday, February 23, 2014

Is Your Back Against the Wall?

What makes change so scary? More than the change itself, perhaps it's the fear of actually being successful because when you change something, you risk making it better and if you make it better, you have a responsibility to uphold. That responsibility might seem scary. Imagine being responsible for something you actually want!

Take leaving a relationship or a job--something known--and jumping into the unknown. Why is that prospect so fear-inducing? You're not happy. You complain that things aren't right, yet you stay. You are comfortable in your discomfort. There is a weighing of what is known and uncomfortable against what is unknown and seemingly uncomfortable. The gap is your own comfort or discomfort.

This is what makes the path of least resistance so enticing. I don't believe it's laziness or even complacency. True that we are creatures of habit. So what makes habits so compelling? Is it that we put ourselves on autopilot? Or do these habits relate to the deeper, more entrenched patterns, often subconscious? It's said that it takes 21 days to break or form a habit.

To really change a habit you must first be aware that the discomfort is your driver. Like hitting bottom. Something's got to give--and it has! You've tolerated THAT THING long enough! You're uncomfortable enough in your discomfort that now it's time to make a change. You're actually ready! That gets into the gap and makes you weigh your comfort against your discomfort. That is what gets you into action. Something has pushed you to your limit and you are now ready to take on changing SOMETHING, ANYTHING. And while you look at changing, there's still part of you that wants to run back. Until the point of no return, the taste of what could be. It tastes good, so good that you actually see the possibility. Ah, change...scary yet compelling.

What is the one change you'd make if you weren't afraid?

Kelly can help you dig deep and uncover those fears holding you back from truly living. Call 514.996.2414 to learn more about empowerment coaching.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Seeking the Good...and Finding the Great

Positive feedback, compliments, kudos, congratulations, endorsements, thank you's...do you give these often and quickly? In my hurried and busy life, I sometimes forget to take the time to appreciate: see the good in all things, people and situations and actually say so. From thanking the server who pours my coffee, to taking the time to notice something--however simple--that someone has done or achieved, all acknowledgement of the little acts of good add up.

During a recent conversation with an esteemed colleague we talked about the word "extraordinary" to describe what at first glance, look like ordinary actions. I realized that we may not be accustomed to appreciating the little efforts people make that form the larger effort involved in achieving even the smallest tasks. It was mentioned during this conversation that Helen Keller was extraordinary. Yet what about someone who takes a seemingly small step towards that huge change, surprising even themselves? Or the person who helps another in a small way that makes a huge difference to the receiver? Are we so used to only noticing big feats garnering attention and headline news that the little everyday miracles are lost on us, dismissed as unimportant?

What can you do?
  • Notice everything
  • Take nothing for granted
  • Give compliments and then give some more, and genuinely
  • Look for the good in people, constantly
  • Avoid "That's nice," and rather, say what you observe: "You got back to me so quickly on that, thank you!"
  • Step back from the negative: see it as happening around you rather than to you
  • Live in gratitude

Applauding other peoples' seemingly small efforts reinforces the qualities that inspire people to make those heroic efforts. Some days it's a heroic effort to just show up. When someone tells us how strong we are, how much good we've done, we rise to that greatness. And we show up differently.

How can you show up differently by endorsing someone else?


Call Kelly for your complimentary 30-minute coaching session to learn more about finding the great in YOU: 514.996.2414!