Thursday, June 13, 2013

Are you stuck in your story?

We all have a story to tell--the tale that is the lens through which we view ourselves, our lives, our interactions with others and with the world around us. As a writer I love stories; they weave a colorful tapestry that creates the fabric of our lives. The thing about tapestry is that while we can view and appreciate it's vivid colors and texture, we are not part of the tapestry. And so it is with our stories.

Consider this common story: you divorce your spouse. There is a story to the divorce. In fact, there may be a whole life attached to the story. And there is certainly pain in the story. Is this the real story or does your story go back to before your spouse, perhaps to your early relationship with a parent?

Take the example of abandonment. Let's consider the reality that your parent gave you up for adoption or died when you were still a child. Certainly these are fundamental and profound losses. And as a child with a limited world view, the feelings might be anything from being unwanted and unloved, to being different. Perhaps you felt abandoned. How might your view of being abandoned by your parent, color the story of your current relationships--with your partner or others? Might a fear of being abandoned be the lens through which you view and experience your adult relationships?
 
As an adult you have the power of choice around this story. What positives might you acknowledge in order to move on from that part of your story anchoring you in the past? What shift in how you view your story can release you to fully live your present and not worry about your future? How was being adopted, in fact, a gain? You went to certain other parents who gave you different things, especially a home. You were wanted by someone. How did your parent's death make you stronger?

You are not your story. Stories are what we tell ourselves and others. As Chloe Madanes and Tony Robbins explain in their coaching video entitled Conscious Blaming, as we tell a story, it gets embellished and grows. Peoples' beliefs are based on their perceptions. And we behave according to our perceptions. So as our story gains momentum in the telling and retelling (even to only ourselves), if we are not challenged think differently, we risk becoming our story as we continue to behave according to our perceptions. And a story can become a fairy tale about fear. This is where we may get stuck in the weave of the tapestry and not move past our story to live a better, more fulfilling and meaningful life.

How might you be stuck in your story? What new thread can you weave into your story to shift your perception and live more meaningfully?

Working with an Empowerment Coach can help you get unstuck in your story and align with your true values. For a consultation, call: 1.514.996.2414

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