Six Steps for Helping a Friend in Distress

It can feel challenging to watch a close friend suffer as they fight their demons or hit a rough patch caused by an unexpected major life change that results in feelings of anxiety, panic, stress, or a full-blown crisis. It’s hard knowing what to say or do. So how DO you help? 

First, know your own boundaries. People experiencing extreme anxiety and depression may make seemingly onerous requests: expecting you to drop everything to run to their aid. Don’t worry. Set your boundaries. Do what you can. And don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do or give more.

If, for instance, you cannot give a huge block of time to your friend, what can you give? A quick check-in phone call or a short walk and chat can be as helpful and appreciated as it is invigorating. You can listen. You don’t have to take on their crisis. You simply need to be present. 

Listening is in short supply in our lives. Someone in crisis is not seeking advice so much as they are looking for a listening ear. They need to feel heard and understood. It is all too easy to dole out free advice or to tell someone what you would do if you were in their shoes. The thing is: you’re not them, and you risk alienating your friend. They may stop listening to and perhaps even stop trusting you.

Let’s recap what you CAN do to be helpful:

1. Listen, really listen—actively.
2. Respect your healthy boundaries in terms of your time commitment.
3. Be empathetic and compassionate.
4. Validate your friend, letting them know what you see that IS working well in their approach to the issue.
5. Share your own experience about how you’ve gotten through a comparable situation.
6. Listen some more!

You cannot make your friend’s demons disappear, but you can help relieve, even briefly, the stress and anxiety they may be feeling. After all, should you one day find yourself in a crisis, wouldn’t you want the same treatment in return?